I hate that “mom- shaming” is a thing.
And I’ve noticed it’s not just mom- shaming, it’s women shaming other women.
Nasty comments on social media, gossip, rude sideways glances, judgement, and ridicule.
Why are women so threatened by other women?
Whether she parents differently than you do, dresses in a way you don’t approve of, has better hair than you, seems to have more friends and popularity than you do, works instead of staying home with her kids (or vice versa), flirts too much, always looks perfect, or whatever it may be – fill in the blank. Women tend to find ways to put other women down, whether judging internally or voicing it outloud, when they are threatened by that woman’s success or differences from themselves.
Guess what? It takes absolutely nothing away from you when you encourage other women in their success. Whether it’s a job promotion or a new haircut or whatever. Encouraging them and finding a way to be truly happy for them isn’t taking anything away from you.
It truly saddens my heart that this type of shaming, judgement and unkindness is so pervasive. I am so so guilty of doing these things as well. But since becoming a mom, it’s like all of the judgment and rude comments just got magnified and even more common. Or maybe I just started noticing more.
It’s okay that we are all different and all on different paths. It’s okay to not understand someone or why they do the things they do. But it’s not okay to put others down because of our own insecurities. And that is what mom- shaming and just shaming and judging in general comes down to.
We, as women, need to be on each other’s teams. We need to lift one another up and encourage one another. Because the thing is, we are all just doing the best we can with what we’ve been given. No one, NO ONE, is perfect. Which is why Jesus came and lived the life we couldn’t and died the death we deserve to save us from ourselves. He ALONE is righteous. So who the heck are you (I’m also speaking to myself over here) to judge someone else when you’re just as flawed as they are?
““None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good, not even one.”
“Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another.
Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it.
When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save
and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?”
When other women walk by, SMILE AT THEM. Like what the heck is up with all these blank stares and sometimes straight up rude looks?! So she looks like she just stepped out of a freaking magazine and you haven’t showered in 5 days and are wearing the same sweat pants as yesterday (just me?), rather than feeling intimidated and annoyed, smile and spread some love to her. Because guess what- we ALL have insecurities, no matter our shape, size, skin color, height, occupation, etc. and no matter how much we may or may not seem to have it together.
When you see that a friend is buying a new house on Instagram or going on a cool vacation, or posting ANOTHER perfect photo of her and her boyfriend, or whatever it may be, CHOOSE to be happy for her. CHOOSE to be a kind and encouraging voice.
When there is a mom in Target with a screaming toddler and her other kids running around like crazy people, for the love of God, DON’T STARE. Offer a kind and supportive word or smile. OR don’t acknowledge it at all. But whatever you do, don’t look on judgmentally, as if you could do better. You don’t know anything about her or her life or what she could be going through.
I could go on and on and on.
The basic point of this little rant is that my heart longs for a culture of women supporting other women. Even if you don’t understand her or approve of her, choose to love and encourage her anyways.
Be a voice of love today. Take a few minutes to send some encouraging words to the women in your life. And the next time your on social media, choose to have joy for others and their success, rather than allowing jealousy to distort a good thing.
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”